The Doctor in Me

Yesterday, I went to see granny in the ICU.

The way I acted. Shameful.

I wore the gown, took my shoes off, and slipped on their cheap rubber slippers.

When I got in, I went straight to her bed, inspected her. GCS 5 with signs of uremia and fluid overload. There were 3 bags of fluid hanging behind her bed.

I checked her VS list, stable.

Checked her cardiac monitor, with occasional irregular rhythms. 99% O2 sat.

Went over the respirator, FiO2 of 32, RR of 24.

Her urine bag was empty. According to the nurse, she’s been anuric for days despite the furosemide. Subsequently, she started blabbering about my granny’s course in the ICU.

I moved over to granny’s right side, held her hand and said

Lola, si James po to.

She’s trying to open her eyes. I knew it was difficult for her. It did open for a sec. Maybe she was just trying to confirm if it was really me. I really don’t knoe.

Then there she goes again, unresponsive.

I was back to the nurse,

What’s her dialysis schedule?

M-W-F

…

Ion’t think Lola liked the way I acted in her ICU.

Do Not Resuscitate

There’s a certain point in life that we need to say no, stop. Even to the extent of exhausting all our energies and means; that the extraordinary efforts should be dropped and just let things go away, naturally.

Relax.

Then re-think.

There’s an end into everything. Nothing is permanent. Detach. Let go. Move on. DNR.

Kay sarap sariwain
ang malayang kahapon
ang hirap isipin kaylayo ng noon
(tsoodoodoodoodoodooo)
Tama ka nga
walang saysay kung itutuloy pa
hayaan na natin ang bukas
ngunit sa gabing ito
hawakan ang aking kamay
muling sundan ang mga unang yapak
ng ating pagmamahalan
(tsoodoodoodoodoodooo)
Tama ka nga
walang saysay kung ibabalik pa
hayaan na natin ang bukas
minsan nagtatanong kung saan
kailan, paano nasimulan
ang katapusang mahirap takasan
pero huwag na, ibato mo na lang sa ulan
(tsoodoodoodoodoodooo)
Tama ka nga
walang saysay kung itutuloy pa
hayaan na natin
hayaan na natin
hayaan na natin ang bukas
Kay sarap sariwain
ang malayang kahapon
ang hirap isipin kaylayo ng noon

Tama Ka by Eraserheads…

Just save people’s lives… Aryt?

In a world where anything can really happen, we must be ready. Complaining is not an option in situations where we are responsibly involved; where “I” put myself “into”.

I don’t get it when people complain about their jobs; why not just quit?

Today, I heard millions of complaints about busy schedules and how toxic their life could be. Can’t we even be more joyful when we encounter several things to do at work? Cos that’s what we’re supposed to be looking for. That’s what we’re supposedly doing, actually.

And at the first place, we chose the job.  In our case, we chose to save lives. We chose to run around the wards, take care of patients and at times even loose our own safety blankets. It’s a commitment that we should keep for the rest of our lives.

So please, just do your job.

And be happy that you even have one.

I’m Yours

The Script defines sadness. I only get to listen to it if I feel sad, or alone. But no! Not until a friend made me realize, that a song in their self-titled album The Script is not melancholic at all. Actually, it sounds desperately depressing, not until you understand what the story of the song is all about.

I am so loving it right nao. This is for y’all.

You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap you thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You heeled these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came my best friend died
My knees went week and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
I know I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours

Thou Shalt Not Fear

I took my chance, dropped my boundaries; but it wasn’t something mutual, t’was unrequited.

I am not sure if what I did was incredibly brave. I made myself too available and vulnerable. I let ‘detachment’ work but it failed.

I wanna end this insanity, darn it.

Please let it drop away…

…Give me a brand new morning.

But still, I am not going to be afraid.

Have You Ever?

by Brandy

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep

from 1998 album Never Say Never

My Ondoy Experience

The night before typhoon Ondoy hit Manila, me and my friends were in Makati watching a movie. Before we got inside the theater at around 11PM, the rain was already pouring to its craziness.

We were in awe when after the movie, the rain was still pouring like there’s no tomorrow; getting stronger; it won’t stop. As I drove my way back home to QC hitting the strip of EDSA, the rain did not fail to stop instead became even stronger and stronger. I already noticed several accumulations of water in some parts of EDSA causing the slow-movement of traffic.

When I got home, I was too tired, I immediately hit the bed.

I woke up at around 6:30AM to work, still raining. I knoe, right? I was late. Still, I managed to check the weather in PAGASA and Yahoo Weather that said it will rain heavily with tropical storms the entire day. I checked for for cancellation of classes but I wasn’t able to find any.

So I went to work.

When working in a busy place like the hospital, we care less on what’s currently happening outside. That being said, we were unaware of the impending flood that’s about to happen.

Not until upon crossing the bridge connecting the Clinical Division Hospital and the Pay Hospital that I saw the immediate rise of the water inside the campus.

I called one of my friends,

Where are you?

I am already at home, they already announced a skeleton duty.

What?! We didn’t hear that announcement.

Finally, one of our residents told us to go home already; a late announcement.

People were piled up in the hospital entrance when we were about to leave. Flood was already knee-high. People won’t disperse. We felt helpless and hopeless. At that time, I thought we will be stranded in the hospital.

But we really wanted to go home. We don’t want to be stuck in the hospital especially in an Ophthalmology rotation. There’s nothing much to do. Our last resort was to walk through the flood.

Luckily, one of our interns was there with her very reliable Starex van. We found out that we actually live in the same street and she offered us a ride. She’s so generous.

So there, I was spared in wetting my feet with flood waters. But no! Not until we reach the front building of our apartment. We didn’t have a choice but to get out of the van, dip our feet in the water and walk until we reach 1162. Gawd, it was really disgusting. But what can we do. eryt?

Initally, we felt safe. But the rain continued. It didn’t fail to stop. And the water just kept rising. We got scared. Few more steps then it’s game over. Our unit is located in the first floor so, we were scared our building would be invaded by the flood.

So we decided to stay in my friend’s unit in the third floor.

 

The rain cannot be stopped. Our cars parked in front of our building started to sink. We cannot do anything. I just hoped and prayed, the cars would eventually start after the flood.

We were watching TV for news updates and some cool TV shows to entertain us, until I finally drowsed myself off. Then…

They cut off the electricity. Our batteries started to drain and we can’t cook! We also can’t find someone to deliver us food. So there, we did not eat dinner and decided to sleep our hungry stomachs off in a very sweaty night.

The following day, my cellphone batteries were already drained. For sure, my family and friends were trying to reach me; and worried cos I am nowhere to be contacted. There’s also none to eat, I went back to our unit and surprisingly, everything’s dry and clean just as how we left it last night. I prepared my cereals. I was sooo famished.

I decided to go home to QC despite the unsafe status of the Metro to travel. Luckily, car didn’t disappoint me. It worked fine, but the breaks were just too weak to handle.

It was a horrible experience. I knoe a lot of people suffered worse than what I had.

I am safe, thank God. Thanks to those who helped us get through the flood and to those who cared and remembered (It always flood around the UST, hehehe…); to those who texted and called, to those who checked if I am ok.

I am safe. Now, it’s my turn to make sure others are safe and ok.

With over 200 deaths already, I hope this will soon be over.

*See you at Citizens' Disaster Response Network in West Triangle!

Mom post

Today is not mothers’ day but I feel like writing something about my mom, so here it is.

Mom is like me, we have a lot of things in common. If I were a girl, I’ll be her; a lot younger her, of course. ROFL.

Anyway, yes, we have a lot of things in common. That bond us.

First of all, I look just like her.

If I were to remove my Wayfarer, or if mom would wear the MJ sunglasses I gave her, you can really say that I am apparently, really her son; and she is obviously my biological mom. No more questions asked, e?

Not convinced?

Well at least say we’re related, aryt? Haha.

But she’ll be happy if you’d tell her,

Oh, I though he is your younger older brother.

Like she’s my twin sister. Or some sorta like that. ROFL. Unfur! Hahaha…

Second commonality, we share the same activities that please us most.

Evidence one, all her children but me or… let me just say all my siblings hate shopping. I am her only child who enjoys walking the entire day inside the mall, and even hop from one mall to another, to just shop and look for even unnecessary stuff. This actually made us a lot closer, like having a mutual relationship. Cos since my dad also hates shopping, she benefits on me by letting me drive her to the mall, and I benefit on her for buying me stuff. Haha.

Evidence two, we both love to talk, and I really thank God cos I got that special talent from her since I think I easily get the trust and confidence of patients because of that, through being a talker. As in a looot. Doing my rounds take me hours, longer than the others cos I dunno, I just talk a lot.

Evidence three? We both love to go places we’ve never been before, or just go somewhere beyond the premises of the house. We are extroverts, per se. We love to eat outside, try new thing. If only we are millionaires or even billionaires, we probably have traveled the entire world. That, so to speak will probably be the luxury I will give mom once she’s over her responsibilities to us.

Evidence four? Coffee for both of us is pleasure, it is lurv. The best-est. I even knoe her fave Sbux beverage, hmmm this: a “Venti, hot, 2% mocha, no whip, with 2 packets of Splenda”. Cos if we don’t get a fix, we get a headache, worse than migraine, even just for a day without gulping caffeinated beverage. Imagine that.

Fifth evidence is, we share the same likeness in terms of books to read, music to listen and movies to watch. We both love Kane & Abel, we’re not bias to the type of music that we hear as long as it’s cool; from Earth, Wind & Fire to Lady GaGa, and we enjoyed movies like My Bestfriend’s Wedding and Kramer vs. Kramer.

We are that close!

That we also have to update  each other over our phones, sometimes even everyday if I am not that busy.

Isusubo ko na, ipapakain ko pa sa inyo.

That’s what I always hear from mom. And it silences us all.

She will provide everything we need as long as she has the means. Not only that, she’s the person through which everything make sense.

Whatever the problem is or even whoever the problem might be, rest assured,  mom will solve ‘em. She is a superwoman.

Cause she’s a Superwoman
Yes she is
Even when she’s a mess
She still put on a vest
With an S on her chest
She’s a Superwoman

I can literally tell everything to her. I mean, of course not all of ‘em and technically not all the time but well, most of the time she’s the only person I can talk to. Seriously.

Well, today ain’t mother’s day but last Thursday was her special day.

*was supposed to post this last week but since I was too busy, I failed.

Belated Happy birthday mom!

Happy birthday to the bestest mom in the world!

Thanks for everything.

See you soon!